Part 15: Distracted

I’ve never had a culture shock. As soon as I stepped on the new country, I almost immediately forget where I came from. Maybe that’s bad; there was a saying that one must not forget where someone came from, but I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve never really felt at home in one place. I would start off loving one place because it’s new to the eyes, new people, and things, places to explore, but as time goes by and I began to know people’s attitude and how things really are, I feel an urge to leave; feel the urge to look for that very place that I would stay in forever. I haven’t found that place yet until now. Maybe in the future.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Part 14: Packing Bags

One of the great things about having a best friend, a cuddle buddy (well, for us, it’s still just an imaginary cuddle but still), and a partner is that, no matter what the other is going through, the half is always there. Tears or smiles, it’s a good feeling to have someone to share it with. They make the burdens lighter, and happy moments become more special. They make you feel less alone in the world; makes you feel needed and loved.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 13: If There Was No Ocean Between Us

A month passed ever since he went back home from India and it was just him and me again. Video chats, texts, emails… there was not a single day that I did not see or hear anything from him. We spend time with each other that much even when he has school or have lots of work. Sometimes I think that maybe he was already so sick of me, but when I try to let him do things on his own without me watching, I couldn’t help but miss him three minutes later. He would say the same thing.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Show

Me and Bry videochatting
Me: What are you watching?
Bry: It's a show called "cute girl in italy working at her parents cafe that I really wanna see in person soon" long title.
Bry: Its my favorite show.

Yesterday was pretty sweet

My little sister decided to steal the laptop away from me and decided that she wanted to chat with Bry. They looked so cute together, even though my sister typed slow; Bry was very patient, always smiling, waiting for what could she be writing. I tried not to interrupt them; all I could really do was smile and giggle at the corner.

It seems like my little sister wanted Bry to come to Italy as much as I do. It’s like they’ve been playmates for a long time (but not really) and the only thing that’s left for them to do was to actually meet each other. I can’t wait to see them play all day and end up having a nap together on a soft carpet.

As they were chatting yesterday, my mom suddenly came over and sat on the other side of the computer. Almost immediately, my sister told her that she’s chatting with Bry. Thank goodness I took the chance. I told her that my Bry wants to come to Italy.

And she told me that heshouldcome.Should.

In Filipino traditions, it’s always a must for parents to meet the boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess that’s the reason why they don’t allow me to leave for Maryland. I told my mom that he’s not sure where he stay, his food, etc., and she said that it’s no problem (we need a bigger space for the baby’s arrival) and that she wanted to cook alot of Indian food once winter sets in (yum yum yum). It’s nice because she even want to have an Indian restaurant and it’s like she want to have the ideas from Bry like design, the food, and the ambiance. There was a permanent smile on our faces that day, as well as the tears on Bry’s eyes. I hope we’ll be able to spend Christmas together.

That night, my mom and my other sister even talked about an Indian wedding. I didn’t know how to feel; Bry will just spend a few weeks with me, but we’re not gonna get married yet!

On the way home that afternoon, I kept smiling by myself… such a happy day.

Something For Me

Bry has been sick for a couple of days and now his throat was hurting. And whenever I see him in that state, or hear him have difficulty in coughing (because his throat is really dry), I couldn’t help but wish that I was there. I won’t let him do anything but rest and steal every piece of ice cream this stubborn boy eats. I don’t think ice cream — or any cold stuff — could cure a sore throat, but I’m sure if he begs (and agrees to share with me) then we’ll eat that ice cream together.

There is about two months left before our one year anniversary, and I wish nothing more than to celebrate that day with him right beside me. Day by day, aside from the added desperation to work somewhere else, I keep realizing that I cannot live like this any longer. I don’t think I could go another year without seeing him standing, smiling, and talking right in front of me; not on the other side of the laptop. I just can’t. We might be getting along well just by chatting and texting, but I keep craving that feeling of being hugged so warmly, and actually being taken care of. I want to start a life without having to sit in front of a laptop, just imagining the great things that could happen. I just want Bry by my side.

I’ve been searching thoroughly for jobs that could bring me to him. My first choice was to get into a hotel (another dream of mine), but since every hotel in the world require everyone to have a degree about something, I thought maybe I could just start somewhere (I also feel like I’m a little too tired to go back to studying). Working in a hotel seems too advanced, so I thought maybe I could lower down a little bit, and just work my way up. That’s possible, right?

I’m not making a list for my whole life. I’m just saying the things I really want to happen, then just go where the road will take me. I don’t think I could really follow a lifetime list anyway.

Based On A True Story Part 11: Just Me

I wasn’t really able to sleep that night. I kept waking up, just wondering if two weeks had already passed. And then, whenever I look at the laptop, I realize there’s no one there. Just looking at it makes me feel lonely, and so I decided to shut it down after weeks and weeks of nonstop videochatting. I would lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling for a long moment, just being miserable by myself. I used to leave a light on so that he could see me while I sleep, but when I came to accept that he’s not there, I turned it off and slept in the dark.

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Based On A True Story Part 10: Don’t Go

I don’t know how we managed to stick to each other just by communicating thru the Internet. I’ve heard (and based on my own experience) that long distance relationships don’t really last, no matter how hard two people work things out. Most of the time, distance is a big part of a relationship. But to us, between me and Bry, there seemed to be no sea to cross, no distance to measure, and no space left to occupy. I just see him through a laptop screen, and just by seeing him move, smile, eat, work, or even cry, I felt like I’m right where he was.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 9: Happy Birthday

I thought about what I would give to him for his birthday long before it arrived. Should I send him a birthday card? Surprise him by going to the US? Knock on his front door wearing a cake costume? I really was not sure what to give him. I don’t have much, he knows that, but I don’t know if he knows that I can give it all.

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Based On A True Story Part 8: Diwali

Days passed quickly and, just like any other couples out there — there have been times when we, too, get into some sort of misunderstanding, many hours of silence, and sometimes, especially when my mood swings were at its finest, I would unintentionally treat him coldly. And even though those times did not really lasted long, I could not help but feel guilty whenever I realize how immature I am. I kept telling myself that I could have been more understanding; could have been more mature about everything; could have imagined myself if I was in his situation. I still am working hard on the part of life called “growing up”, yet I could not help but go back in time and be a kid because of the fact that he treats me like a princess.

But I can’t always be a princess, can I? The princess has to grow up and work hard too.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 6: Nice To See You

We wanted to see each other so bad. If not in person, at least through video chats or whatever idea that would reassure us that we were not talking — and in a relationship — to a computer-operated program. I wanted to ask him if he had a webcam and could video chat with me. But since mine was broken and would not work no matter how many times I plugged it into the laptop ports, I decided not to. I’ve only seen him in pictures, and I wanted so bad to see him moving and laugh and smile. But it would be unfair to see him but there would be nothing on his side but a black screen, I thought. Many times he asked when I’ll get a new one, and I felt his disappointment whenever I tell him that I haven’t got one yet but still, he tried to be as patient as he could.

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(Source: cloudbearer)