Part 15: Distracted

I’ve never had a culture shock. As soon as I stepped on the new country, I almost immediately forget where I came from. Maybe that’s bad; there was a saying that one must not forget where someone came from, but I don’t know, maybe it’s because I’ve never really felt at home in one place. I would start off loving one place because it’s new to the eyes, new people, and things, places to explore, but as time goes by and I began to know people’s attitude and how things really are, I feel an urge to leave; feel the urge to look for that very place that I would stay in forever. I haven’t found that place yet until now. Maybe in the future.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Part 14: Packing Bags

One of the great things about having a best friend, a cuddle buddy (well, for us, it’s still just an imaginary cuddle but still), and a partner is that, no matter what the other is going through, the half is always there. Tears or smiles, it’s a good feeling to have someone to share it with. They make the burdens lighter, and happy moments become more special. They make you feel less alone in the world; makes you feel needed and loved.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 13: If There Was No Ocean Between Us

A month passed ever since he went back home from India and it was just him and me again. Video chats, texts, emails… there was not a single day that I did not see or hear anything from him. We spend time with each other that much even when he has school or have lots of work. Sometimes I think that maybe he was already so sick of me, but when I try to let him do things on his own without me watching, I couldn’t help but miss him three minutes later. He would say the same thing.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 12: Greater Distance

I wasn’t really expecting any changes between our relationship. Afterall, he had spent just two weeks away from me. He was just out sightseeing and spending time with new friends in a country he have always wanted to see.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 11: Just Me

I wasn’t really able to sleep that night. I kept waking up, just wondering if two weeks had already passed. And then, whenever I look at the laptop, I realize there’s no one there. Just looking at it makes me feel lonely, and so I decided to shut it down after weeks and weeks of nonstop videochatting. I would lay on the couch and stare at the ceiling for a long moment, just being miserable by myself. I used to leave a light on so that he could see me while I sleep, but when I came to accept that he’s not there, I turned it off and slept in the dark.

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Based On A True Story Part 10: Don’t Go

I don’t know how we managed to stick to each other just by communicating thru the Internet. I’ve heard (and based on my own experience) that long distance relationships don’t really last, no matter how hard two people work things out. Most of the time, distance is a big part of a relationship. But to us, between me and Bry, there seemed to be no sea to cross, no distance to measure, and no space left to occupy. I just see him through a laptop screen, and just by seeing him move, smile, eat, work, or even cry, I felt like I’m right where he was.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 9: Happy Birthday

I thought about what I would give to him for his birthday long before it arrived. Should I send him a birthday card? Surprise him by going to the US? Knock on his front door wearing a cake costume? I really was not sure what to give him. I don’t have much, he knows that, but I don’t know if he knows that I can give it all.

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Based On A True Story Part 8: Diwali

Days passed quickly and, just like any other couples out there — there have been times when we, too, get into some sort of misunderstanding, many hours of silence, and sometimes, especially when my mood swings were at its finest, I would unintentionally treat him coldly. And even though those times did not really lasted long, I could not help but feel guilty whenever I realize how immature I am. I kept telling myself that I could have been more understanding; could have been more mature about everything; could have imagined myself if I was in his situation. I still am working hard on the part of life called “growing up”, yet I could not help but go back in time and be a kid because of the fact that he treats me like a princess.

But I can’t always be a princess, can I? The princess has to grow up and work hard too.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 8: 16 Hours

For days all we have been doing was calling each other on the Skype from my phone. I usually practice talking normally when the phone was not being used but, once it rings and I hear his voice once again, all those daydreams of being able to have a decent conversation with him remained unfulfilled.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 7: Call

Probably one of the most brilliant ideas I have ever thought of was for him to call me. Not through long-distance call; that’s too expensive, but from the Skype application on my phone. Although he won’t be able to see me, at least he could hear my voice. At that time, I had hoped that he won’t mistaken me as a boy.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 6: Nice To See You

We wanted to see each other so bad. If not in person, at least through video chats or whatever idea that would reassure us that we were not talking — and in a relationship — to a computer-operated program. I wanted to ask him if he had a webcam and could video chat with me. But since mine was broken and would not work no matter how many times I plugged it into the laptop ports, I decided not to. I’ve only seen him in pictures, and I wanted so bad to see him moving and laugh and smile. But it would be unfair to see him but there would be nothing on his side but a black screen, I thought. Many times he asked when I’ll get a new one, and I felt his disappointment whenever I tell him that I haven’t got one yet but still, he tried to be as patient as he could.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 5: Dream Come True

I greet mornings with huge smiles on my face knowing I have a message waiting to be read. I try to wake up early so that I would have longer time talking to him before he goes to sleep, even though sometimes, I have thought about if I was just disturbing him. He was, unlike me, a student and has a job. If I was in his place, juggling that and all other things at once, I would have flopped down on the floor the moment I get home and using the computer would be the last thing in my mind. I don’t know where he gets his energy or how he still managed to find time to open up his emails or text someone who wanted nothing but all of his attention.

Time passed and the day of my birthday finally came. I just turned seventeen, and if I were to make a wish, that is for him not to forget this date. I truly appreciate people who remember the date when I was born, and since he was already an important person in my life, I would feel really sad if he forget, no matter how shallow it seemed.

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(Source: cloudbearer)

Based On A True Story Part 4: Evening Stroll

I was well aware of what he was trying to do. I knew — or at least I assumed — that he was trying to get me say that I like him, or have feelings for him. I knew he was aware of it now and I knew about his feelings towards me. We’re both fine with it, but still, none of us confessed. I still refused to do so. I want him, but I couldn’t say the words. At some point, I wondered when will he say what he felt towards me, or if he even had plans on telling me about it. Was he shy? Or was he thinking that even if he confessed his feelings, our relationship might not work out? He was approximately more than seven thousand five hundred plus miles away for crying out loud. Who can be sure that there will always be an internet connection?What if one day it completely disappears and I don’t know how else to contact him? There was a lot of reasons why it really might not work out, yet a whole lot of other reasons why it might.

But there was one thing: I did not wished for the two of us to remain just friends knowingly having feelings towards each other but refused to admit it. He’s perfect; it would be impossible for other girls out there not to like him. I did not want to wake up one day with a message from him saying, “I can’t talk to you anymore, my gf will get jealous. Thanks for everything. Bye.”

That will break me.

I did not want to regret anything. I will tell him how I feel then just cross my fingers and pray that he loves me back.

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(Source: cloudbearer)